Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
