I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
