I wanna bring you to show and tell
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
