I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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