even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
