I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
