im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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