No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
