Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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