if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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