I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
