Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize