its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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