and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
