Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
