If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize