Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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