She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize