He asked to "fluff my boner.."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
