We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
