As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
