so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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