MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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