the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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