I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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