Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
