you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
