me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
