in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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