the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
