i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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