I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
