Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
