Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
