her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
