Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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