He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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