Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
