too bad you live with your parents still
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
