I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
