this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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