kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
