I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
