Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
