Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
