Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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