Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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