How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
