come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
