based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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