yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
