i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
