I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
