I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
