he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
