I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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