Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
