Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
