Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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