I think I died a long time ago.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
