i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
