Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
