Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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