people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
