the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
