I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
