the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
