How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
