I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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