ya dads aren't the best wingmen
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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