your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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