I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
