3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize