i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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