why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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