It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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